Failure

Today was one of those days that I feel like a failure.

The morning started off pretty good.  I got up.  The kids got up.  I finished drying my hair and getting ready and the kids played in our room.  No one lost an eye.  S didn't stick q-tips in his ears.  I made the kids breakfast.  The babysitter came and I managed to get to work on time.

Once at work I realized and remembered the feeling...failure.  I wasn't ready for the day.  I for sure wasn't/am not ready for my class to show up tomorrow.

I got home and the kids were happy.  Not so happy to see me but they were happy with the babysitter.  S was trying to get the babysitter to hold him instead of me when she was trying to leave.  I thought your kids are supposed to want you not who watches them all day... failure.

We had to go to the grocery store.  I really don't like taking both kids alone.  It is hard, really hard.  After I strapped a screaming, hitting, back arching littler girl into her car seat we were off.  (Little miss is super attached to my purse.  It is the first thing she does when I get home.)  On another note.  My little baby girl is a hitter.  Big time.  Me. Her brother. The dog.  I don't know where she learned it but it is bad.

Made it into the store.  Managed to get one child into the car cart.  When I tried to put S in with his sister I was met with more screaming...fail.  So S just got to sit in the cart and talk to me. 

We made it almost through all the shopping.  Once we hit the check out things really fell apart.  I just don't understand what they expect those of use who need the cart with seating for more than one child to do once we take them out.  Nineteen month old twins don't listen very well and it is very hard to find my shopper reward card while trying to contain the two of them.  Not to mention the fact that they didn't have a cart for my groceries to go into so I couldn't put one child in there.  And then they sent the bagger to a different line.  Argh... fail for them? 

So after corralling the two kids and trying to pay and look some what sane I attempted to put an uncooperative child into the cart.  It took only 3 tries.  Fail.

While putting E in the cart and carrying a 30 lb. S we slowly made it to the car.  Once I put S into the car I returned to the cart to find that E had found the grapes and was helping herself to them.  After yet another fit, since I had to take the grapes to put her into the car, every one in and safe.

Hitting, screaming children at the grocery store = a feeling of failure.  It was really just E, and she was hungry.  I should have avoided the store but with kids showing up at work tomorrow and back-to-school night on Thursday there just wasn't another day to do it.  Needless to say I'm going to be avoiding the store for a few weeks. 

Miscellany Monday... on a Tuesday

1. My life has been CRAZY the last month.  We went on a two week road trip to the Pacific Coast.  I had intended to write about how to travel with 18 month old twins.  Our trip included a LOT of car time, some family visits, the kids first trip to the beach, my first time to Oregon, and the kids first flight.  I guess it all comes down to this... take along a set of grandparents.  Travelling with grandparents is WONDERFUL!  They are willing to stay with the kids during nap time, they help feed them, they help push strollers, and a ton of other stuff too.
2. When we got back from our trip we had 10 days to get ready to move.  We moved into our house almost 9 years ago.  We were just newlyweds.  It was the perfect house for us then, but not now.  I intended to write a post about moving out of our first home too. 
3. We moved into our new house 11 days ago.  Since then we've painted two bedrooms, a bathroom and a family room.  I guess I shouldn't say we... I only really did touch up on one bedroom and the ceiling on the other.  The people who lived here before us were not great painters and let their teenagers do their own rooms.  Yikes!
4. Yesterday I had to go back to work.  Summer is over.  This summer's end snuck up on me.  I wasn't  am not ready for school to start.  I'm still in the organizing the new house mode.  I have a new teaching partner this year.  My old work husband teaching partner decided he wanted a change a moved schools on me.  He had been there 15 years and it was time for him to have a change.  Working with someone new is hard.  I like my new partner... another male teacher, but he isn't the old one.  (I did get an e-mail from the old teaching partner saying, "I miss my old teaching partner."  It made me tear up.  New guy will be good but I don't think he'll be as fun.)  Just a side note... I don't actually have anything against working with a female but I teach 5th grade and we had lost our ONLY male staff member and we were hoping to find another one.  New guy is great and happens to be male too.
5. Our new neighborhood is known to have a snake problem.  WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME BEFORE?!  I am very afraid of snakes.  I saw my first one today.  It was only a 6 in. garter snake but still it scared me enough to make me shriek and quickly get the kids and I inside.

My Hometown

My home town has an image problem.  Growing up I was quick to point out that even though my address is in the city, I lived the the unincorporated county.  Even though it is one of many suburbs, it has never been one with a good reputation.  Drugs and gangs are the main offense.  It is a big town and not all of it is bad.  My hometown's reputation was mostly known by others in the state, until recently.

We were in Oregon with my parents on July 20th.  We had stopped to fill up for gas when the attendant (there isn't self-service in Oregon) mentioned there had been a shooting in Aurora, Colorado.  I can't say if he mentioned how many were killed.  Near where I grew up and where my parents has just moved from is a theater.  It is within the city limits.  It is also less than a 1/2 mile from where my best friend since the 6th grade lives.  We looked for a newspaper, but it wasn't in the morning paper.  We don't have smart phones and we were headed to a National Park.  All day I worried that someone I knew was in that theater.  We worried that it was the theater down the street, knowing that there are many in Aurora.

When we finally made it home and learned the details I was relieved to learn that it was not the theater down the street but one closer to downtown Denver.  (When the names of the victims were released I didn't know any of them.  My brother did go to school with one though.)  It was the theater that my high school boyfriend worked in as a manager.  The one that I had attended many late night showings of new movies.  I learned that this tragedy happened way too close to home. 

As I got my haircut yesterday I was talking to my (new) hairdresser.  She asked where I grew up and I replied, Aurora.  I knew what would pop up next in conversation.  My hometown is no longer known for drugs and gangs but a mass murder.  She asked if it was true what the police were saying about the area.  Was it really that safe?  This was hard to answer. 

Growing up the Aurora Mall was the only mall around.  We would go there fairly regularly.  As time went on the mall and the surrounding area has changed.  During my high school years I remember my mom talking about trips to the mall and how uncomfortable she felt.  It wasn't really some place you would go late at night.  I don't think there is a place where you could expect an event like this to happen.  This is a result of a person who needs help and unfortunately people like this exist everywhere. 

I still will defend my hometown.  I have nothing but great memories growing up in Aurora, Colorado.  (Although I really didn't LIVE in the city limits.) It isn't a bad place to live.  There are amazing and wonderful people who live there.  One person should not be able to stigmatize the entire community.