Still Waiting....

Did I mention that waiting stinks? Mr. P just got done with 4 days of basketball camps so that meant I spent a lot of time alone. Most of my friends have families and spend their summers taking kids to the pool, the library, or just taking care of their family. It is hard when you're childless during the summer. We usually go on vacation but due to the huge amount of money we just spent on IVF we are going no where. So I'm stuck at home, worrying, waiting not very patiently, not able to spend money, and by myself. Not a great combination. It doesn't help that when P gets home from camp he doesn't really want to do anything and I'm itching to do ANYTHING. Since I have all sorts of pent up energy I would normally go work out, clean the basement or something active but I'm too afraid to do much of anything until I know if we're going to be parents.

All of this makes for a frustrated, emotional me. Oh, tomorrow is our 7 year anniversary and I would love to do SOMETHING to celebrate. P is fine with going to dinner at a restaurant that we go to normally. To me that doesn't count. Plus, that only takes a couple of hours. He doesn't ever think we need a big celebration. Not for birthdays either. This is one area that seems to be a sore point in our relationship. I want to celebrate. I want at least something as a gift. He wants nothing and often gives nothing. So I've been thinking the last two weeks about how nice it would be to get some flowers. I'm not holding my breath though, I doubt it will happen tomorrow.

Oh and he can't go with me to get my blood drawn on Thursday because of open gym for basketball. Not to mention there is at least one other coach there all the time. Can't he just skip for one day? I don't really want to be sitting for 2 hours ALONE waiting then either.

Argh... a little frustrated. Maybe it is the pregnancy hormones talking. :-)

Update

Wow, I didn't realize that I was so far behind. Retrieval went well. There were 15 eggs. We had decided to go ahead and fertilize some with ICSI just so that we were guaranteed some would be fertilized. So 11 were fertilized using ICSI and 4 naturally. Overall 7 fertilized, 5 ICSI and 2 natural.

The retrieval wasn't too bad. The drugs really knocked me out so it is all a blur. I slept most of the day and then laid low on Wednesday. I was still a little sore.

Our 7 embryos all made it until Saturday which was transfer day. The Good Doctor said he didn't remember the last time that had happened. :-) We took that as a good sign. Our doctor doesn't grade the embryos like some others, at least we didn't know to ask and they didn't tell. I'm guessing they all looked good.

Saturday they transferred 2. It was cold and rainy and we had to get to the acupuncturist at 6 am, then the Good Doctor at 7, then after the procedure lay for an hour and then back to the acupuncturist. Once I got home it was best rest for 3 days.

The actual transfer went well. The doctor told us what to expect after the results from the pregnancy test on the 24th. He said we were great patients to work with and he felt like we had a better than average chance of getting pregnant. :-) All great things to hear. We of course have heard that everything went great almost every time we did an IUI, and nothing ever happened. So we are hoping for the best this time.

The three days were awful. I thought I would sleep a lot and it would be relaxing since the weather was so bad. But laying down for that long makes your body sore. P was an awesome nurse and waiting on me with no complaining. He also kindly reminded me that I needed to be laying down if he thought I was up for too long. Needless to say I was very happy to be done with that.

Luck and Such...

Today was also my last acupuncture appointment. I have been going for the last 4 or five weeks. I'm willing to try whatever might help. She has been working on egg quality and creating a nice lining. The last two times I went I left with little tiny beads in my ears. I'm not exactly sure what they were for but I think it was for all of the discomfort that comes with over full ovaries.

P also was at his parent's house and was in charge of finding a four-leaf clover. Luckily he did and hopefully it will do its job. Sorry picture is a little blurry.

Retrieval

Tomorrow is retrieval day and I couldn't be happier. On my last day of shots, Saturday, I almost couldn't do it. It wasn't especially painful but I think my body was done. I felt faint and sick just standing. I'm glad that P is in charge of all shots from here on out.

I have about 10 eggs that look like good candidates. I'm a little disappointed that that is all I have. The good doctor expected much more since there were no signs that they shouldn't. I guess all of the eggs in my ovaries at the beginning of this cycle didn't want to leave yet. Oh well, it should be enough. We just need one or two, right?

P gave my trigger/HCG shot last night. I was a little concerned because he hates needles. But he did a wonderful job. Even better than the last shot I got at the doctors office. I guess his dart throwing practice earlier in the day helped out.

I wish I knew...

that the menopur disappears instantaneously when you add liquid. Tonight was the first night for Follistim and Menopur. I got the Follistim pen working and it took a while but that went great. I went to mix up the Menopur and did okay but just put in a couple of drops of the solvent (can't remember what it is) and then was freaked out because I didn't see any of the white stuff. Well, then I thought I was a little crazy. I knew I had just opened the bottle and I think something was in there. So just to be safe I paid more attention and tried again. So... I'm out one vial of Menopur. Maybe I won't need it. We did go through the steps of mixing the meds yesterday but didn't actually use the real stuff. I think it would have been good to do it for real. I unfortunately learn best by doing. :-) I'm sure I'll be an expert soon.

The journey so far...

Well it has been 8 days since my first Lupron injection. I stopped taking BCP on Sunday and am very impatiently waiting on the monthly visitor to make some sort of appearance, yesterday. I'm a little worried because I left out my Lupron the first day of my injections. I realized it as I went to bed that night. Had a little bit of a meltdown. Starting meds on the 3rd to last day of school doesn't go so well. Well luckily it really wasn't a big deal. I did have to order a new vial though.

Tomorrow I have bloodwork, an ultrasound and instructions on Menopur and Follistim. I'm a little worried about what will become of my stomach once I start shots 3 times a day. I already am collecting a nice line of bruises in various colors. Is that going to get worse? I'm guessing yes. I also love that all my jeans land right on the line of bruises. Not very comfortable. I think I will be living in my workout pants for the 2 1/2 weeks.

So far so good though. I'm starting to feel a little anxious. I think not having a normal routine is making that worse. I have been taking an independent study class. So I've spent 8 hours a day working in my room, alone. That gives me a little too much time to think about things.

As expected...

I didn't get pregnant on the last ditch effort IUI before we start IVF this month. And it always seems like there is pregnancy every where on the day I find out I'm not. Go figure it was even the "5 0'clock phone call" on the local radio station. Something about hormonal pregnancy rants, or something.

Oh well, still waiting on the monthly visitor and then we can get started.

Waiting

I am constantly surprised about how little moms know about how to get pregnant... those who didn't have trouble any way. I guess there are just a few of us who are forced to learn more about hormones and timing and waiting than the others. I have a couple of friends at work who I've told about what is going on and they both asked, "When will you know?" I guess I've lost the difference between general everyone knowledge and just "infertile" knowledge. I thought that if you've been pregnant and have had a couple of kids you would know that fertilization (hopefully) occurs on day 14 and you have to wait about 2 weeks before you know if you are indeed pregnant.
The waiting really is the hardest part. My waiting to find out will end sometime in the next couple of days for me. I then will learn if I can plan for a New Year's baby or move on to the next big, EXPENSIVE step. Over the last couple of weeks I have analyzed everything I've done. Should I workout? If so can I lift? Should I avoid my Bootcamp class? How about running? What should I eat? Do I need to avoid all caffeine? Or just limit it? What about alcohol? Is one drink okay or nothing at all? The most frustrating part is that there aren't any clear answers. I just want someone to tell me what I can and cannot do.
I'm hoping for the best... my mom could be a soon-to-be-grandmother on Mother's Day and I think that might be the best Mother's Day gift there is. I am also preparing for the worst... I sent an e-mail to the acupuncturist that I'm hoping to see during the IVF cycle and hopefully I'll be able to get in sometime next week.
I'll just keep waiting.... but not patiently.

To Tell or Not to Tell

I struggle with this quite frequently. Who do you tell about your infertility? Just close friends? Just your family? No one... I don't really feel ashamed, not anymore anyway, but it is TMI for most people in my life. It is hard to explain why I can't workout for two weeks or why I'm avoiding any cardio classes or why I haven't been running, without some mention of infertility. I could lie, but what is the point in that. Everyone who knows about what P and I are going through has been completely supportive. BUT do normal couples share (or have to) what happens in their bedroom? Even though everything ISN'T happening in the bedroom? My male teaching partner had been purposely kept in the dark. I don't feel comfortable sharing any of that kind of information with him. He is a guy after all and my husband doesn't even like to hear about some of the stuff I have to do. But since I was on Clomid I felt like it was fair to give him a heads up. I think my other teaching partner has filled him in, or maybe his wife who is also a friend. Just a thought.

Ready or not here we go!

Well... after two IUI tries last summer we knew that this summer would be filled with all things IVF. As it got closer and closer to summer and the scheduling began I began to worry about timing. So I made an appointment with the "Good Doctor". He is our RE and I really like him, which is good because he the only close choice.
It was good I made an appointment when I did because as it turns out we are late on the draw. I barely was able to get things rolling in time to be done before school starts in the fall. I think that my emotional response to the fact that implantation wouldn't happen until the first week in August, the week we return to work, helped me out a little bit in getting the ball rolling.
So far here is what I know:
-Started the Clomid challenge test. I desperately wanted to avoid being on any fertility drugs while teaching. I know how I do on them and it really isn't pretty for anyone. Hopefully my kids are angels for the next couple of days or their teacher could be a crying monster. Yikes!
-On Tuesday I'll go in and have bloodwork to see how my body reacted to the Clomid.
-On Wednesday I will have the trial transfer. I'm not sure what to expect from this but I need to have a full bladder when I arrive, which shouldn't be any fun.

We are going to try an IUI with the Clomid and maybe we won't have to go through with the IVF.

I'm feeling a little in the dark. The planning appointment didn't go like I had thought. I expected to be there for 30 minutes and just made appointments to start everything but not actually start. I didn't have P with me because I didn't think it would be that big of a deal. Boy was I wrong. I also wasn't totally concentrated on what the doctor was saying because I had made a vet appointment for that afternoon and it because obvious I was going to miss it. I've never missed any kind of appointment in my life and I was feeling kind of frantic. So I think May I'll be on birth control and I'm hoping I won't start meds until June and then the actual transfer will happen in July.

Warm Fuzzy

Today I was able to do something I have been wanting to for a long time. I've always wanted to pay it forward, but I've been waiting for the "right" time. I'm not sure there is a wrong time for helping others but I was waiting... until tonight. I was going about my merry way shopping at Target. I got behind an older woman, maybe 70, who had some odds and ends in her cart along with her medication for diabetes. She was rung up, her total was about $33, and then said, "I'm not sure I have enough." Well she began to dig out all the cash and change she had out of her wallet and her purse, but she was about $5.00 short. This took some time but I wasn't in a hurry so no big deal. I felt a little bad for her because she was obviously short on money and not sure what to do. Once she started digging for coins I was wondering how I was going to offer to help, I for once had cash in my wallet and more than enough to cover her leftover $5. Not everyone is open to help. Well I asked if it was okay if I help her out and she said if she could pay me back. Well, that wouldn't do of course I didn't want her to pay me back. I told her to think of it as a late Valentine's Day present. She said well that was last Sunday... it should be Easter. Well, the cashier told her to have a good night and she replied with, "I think I already have." I'm glad that I could help her out.

Welcome

I have debated for a while about starting an anonymous blog and I have finally done it. We'll see how it goes.

Here is a bulleted list about me:
- I've been married for almost 7 years.
- I have a dog.
- I turn 30 this week.
- My husband and I have been TTC since 2006.
- All I wanted for my 30th birthday was a baby.

Now I refuse to let this blog be depressing so here we go...